Paranoia evokes nothing but boredom

 

Paranoia is a lavish techno-thriller with no central processor.

Director Robert Luketic, who’s made a career out of forgettable rom-coms, and Barry Levy, the writer behind the Rashomon-derived Vantage Point, cobble together a motion picture out of spare parts.…

Michael Bay’s Pain & Gain might actually be worth the effort of watching…

Before we see anything, before even the whirling stars of the Paramount logo form their triumphant arc above the idealized mountain peak, we hear the agonized grunts and yells of a man indulging in brutal self-abuse.

Then comes the money shot: Mark Wahlberg doing full-body sit-ups from a leg rest halfway up a twenty-foot billboard of an Atlas-like figure pumping iron.…

2 Guns is a throwaway summer fling of reputable caliber

Denzel Washington and Mark Walhberg banter with friendly acrimony, speed around in a variety of cars, and generally blow shit up. If you like the sound of that, you’ll probably get on with 2 Guns.

Washington is winningly cool as Bobby Trench, Wahlberg likeably guileless as Michael Stigman – two law enforcement officers who end up undercover and unaware of the other’s background – the type of character types both actors have built careers around playing.…

RIPD is the cinematic equivalent of being in limbo

“Say what you want about the tenets of The Lone Ranger, dude, at least it’s an ethos.”

RIPD, the newest big-budget adaptation of an obscure comic book series, sounds like a concept being sold on its title. Based on the trailer, it looks like a hodgepodge of Men In Black and Ghostbusters, but fails to be much more than derivative schlock.

The Conjuring is an entertaining scary go-round

Latest in the new genre of exorcism films (see: The Rite, The Exorcism of Emily Rose), The Conjuring is directed by Saw and Insidious creator James Wan. As you might expect, it’s “bloody… scary” (eh, eh?).

An All-American family moves into their dream home in rural Rhode Island, are immediately beset by a selection of terrifying phenomena, and forced to call in experts, the Warren’s – engaging Patrick Wilson and winsome Vera Farmiga – a pleasant couple with a locked study full of possessed toys in place of a rumpus room.

Elysium is a gritty, high-in-the-sky moral fable

It’s probably premature on the strength of one film to call a filmmaker a genius.

Orson Welles might have earned that plaudit based on Citizen Kane or maybe Jean-Luc Goddard for A Bout De Souffle, Rob Reiner for This Is Spinal Tap, Pajit Ray for Pather Panchali, or Tarantino for Reservoir Dogs.…

Kick-Ass 2 opens a mid-sized can of meta whoop-ass

 

Superhero sequels are all about the escalation. Spider-Man 2, X2, The Dark Knight: they all feature villains who come about as a result of the heroes’ actions in the first film.

As The Joker says to Batman, “You’ve changed things – forever”.

Only God Forgives is an unforgivable load of tosh

 

It’d be easy to dismiss Only God Forgives as Drive in Bangkok: as in his previous collaboration with director Nicholas Winding Refn, Ryan Gosling stars as a laconic, almost too-cool protagonist amidst neon lights and bursts of shocking violence.

That’s not the reason you should dismiss Only God Forgives, however.…

Alan Partridge: Alpha Papa is a deliberately underwhelming affair

 

The thing about diminishing expectations is that after a certain point they cease to be worth meeting.

After almost two decades on and off the TV, Alan Partridge, Steve Coogan’s most popular creation, has made his way to the big screen.…

RED 2 is a perfectly good geri-actioner

 

Do you remember my review of A Good Day to Die Hard, all the way back in the mists of time?

There’s no reason for you to, but in it I aired my complaints with what has become of the series that gave Bruce Willis a career beyond Moonlighting.…